Xander spun to the right as some kid in what looked like a size too big camo fatigues slammed into him on his way outside... a toy gun in his chubby fingers. Xander glared at his back and growled.
"Hey! Watch it!"
He shook his head and walked to the bin where the boy had been moments earlier and found it empty.
*Why the little... he got the last one. Now what am I going to do?*
Xander sighed and looked over at Buffy and Willow. They were smiling and drooling over some old dress in the corner.
*I bet Buffy's getting that to impress Angel. I don't see what she sees in him.*
A sad frown crossed his face as Xander stepped away from the empty bin. Ethan Rayne noticed the young man and followed his line of sight to the young blond he had helped earlier. He could see the pain in the young man's eyes and decided to help him some.
"Have trouble finding anything?"
Xander jerked in shock and spun around.
"Hey! Don't sneak up on people like that!"
Ethan smiled and nodded.
"I'm terribly sorry. I just noticed you appeared sad. What's wrong?"
Xander sighed.
"Well, I came in here to get a toy gun. I'm going to dress up as a soldier. I already have some fatigues at home... but now I am going to have to think of something else because some kid got the last gun. Trouble is, I don't have much money."
He paused and looked over at the girls and shook his head.
"Not so sure I even want to dress up at all now..."
Ethan nodded to himself as an idea formed in his mind.
"If you didn't have to worry about money... would you be able to come up with an original and interesting costume?"
Xander blinked and looked at the man.
"Yeah... probably. Giles did say the only thing about me is my creativity."
Ethan blinked.
"Giles? Would that be Rupert Giles?"
Xander nodded.
"Yeah, he's the librarian at school. Why, do you know him?"
Ethan smiled and nodded slowly.
"Yes... we went to school together."
He paused and an almost sinister grin crossed his face.
"So, if Rupert thinks you're so creative, then I'm sure you can come up with something. Have a look around and when you find what you want bring it to me and if I think it will work, you get it for free."
Xander smiled.
"Deal."
He laughed softly and moved about the store, checking bin after bin, but finding nothing.... that is until.
"Hmmm..."
Xander had seen a flash of orange and black out of the corner of his eye and had stopped to take a look. He was standing next to a bin filled with stuffed animals and near the middle he could see what looked like...
"No way... this... oh man..."
Xander grabbed the animal and pulled it free and cheered softly at how closely it matched what he thought. He looked around and saw a mannequin nearby that had a wig that would be perfect as well.
*I have the clothes at home already. This... this could work.*
He grabbed the wig and ran back up to the front desk. As he approached, Ethan looked at Xander and frowned.
"A wig and a stuffed animal? I'm afraid I don't see what..."
Xander interrupted him by leaning in close and whispering into the man's ear. A wide-eyed grin crossed Ethan's face as he heard the costume choice.
"My.. now that is clever. Well done, young man, they are yours."
Xander smiled and ran outside to join the girls, leaving a grinning Ethan watching him go.
"Oh yes... very clever indeed. That young man will cause such chaos..."
When Xander got home, he set the stuffed animal on his bed and dug through his closet.
"Red... red... red.... damn it, where is my red... ah, here is it."
He pulled out a red t-shirt and threw it on the bed. It was joined by a pair of blue shorts and some tennis shoes. Xander moved to the mirror and tried on the wig. It was the right color, but the cut was wrong.
"I can fix that..."
Xander grabbed a pair of scissors and began cutting. Soon his fake hair was sticking up in all directions. When it looked perfect, he smiled and nodded.
"There... perfect."
Xander grabbed the t-shirt and shorts and pulled them on then tied his shoes and took in his reflection. He was his spitting image.
Xander smiled widely and saw the mischievous grin smiling back at him almost scary.
"This is too perfect."
He turned around and smiled at the stuffed animal on his bed. Xander walked over to it, picked it up and then walked back over to look in the mirror.
"What do you think? Do we look good or what?"
Xander looked down at the stuffed tiger in his arms and grinned then ran downstairs and off to pick up the girls.
Xander knocked on the door to Buffy's home and smiled when Mrs.
Summers opened the door.
"Hi ma'am. Can Buffy come out and play?"
Joyce giggled and stepped aside. Xander walked in and grinned at Mrs. Summers.
"Xander... are you who I think you are?"
Xander raised an eyebrow.
"Maybe... who do you think I am?"
Joyce answered and Xander grinned and nodded.
"I must say, Xander. You've done an excellent job. You look just like him."
Xander smiled and blushed a little.
"Thanks Mrs. S, that means a lot to me."
He heard a noise on the stairs and looked up to see Buffy walking down in the dress. His jaw dropped, for a moment, then he regained his composure.
"Hey Buffy..."
Buffy stared at Xander, confused at what he was wearing and miffed that he wasn't drooling over her, and nodded back.
"Hey Xander, Willow will be down in a minute."
She looked Xander up and down and frowned.
"Who are you?"
Xander grinned and shook his head.
"Not going to... hey Wills, nice BOO you have there."
Buffy spun around and frowned at Willow.
"Willow..."
Willow moved past Buffy and grabbed Xander by the arm to drag him outside.
"No time.. got to get to school Buffy."
As she walked outside, Willow smiled at Xander and giggled.
"Nice costume.."
Xander stared at his group of kids as they walked up to the door to get yet another dose of candy and smiled. They had paid attention to him well and were getting a ton of candy.
*Almost as good as me... I just wish...*
Suddenly a wave of dizziness hit Xander and everything went gray for a moment. When he came to, he blinked and looked around.
"Hobbes?"
Hobbes blinked and rubbed his head.
"What hit me? One minute we're watching Revenge of the Vampire Cheerleaders and now..."
Hobbes looked around and noticed they weren't in the living room anymore.
"Calvin... where are we?"
Calvin looked around and shrugged.
"Beats me... but it looks like its Halloween."
He looked down at himself and frowned.
"We're not in costumes. That's not right!"
Hobbes nodded and noticed that some of the costumes the others were wearing looked a little too real.
*This is kind of freaky. I mean, those horns look real and...*
Hobbes gasped in shock as the horns he had been examining suddenly rammed through a mailbox... ripping it to shreds.
*Holy Tuna! They're real!*
He turned to Calvin and noticed him trying to muddy himself up some.
"... and some leaves and maybe I can convince people I'm a zombie or something."
Hobbes swallowed and moved closer to Calvin.
"Calvin..."
Calvin rubbed dirt on his face, grinning, and continued to talk.
"... and get a ton of chocolate, then wash all this off and get some ketchup and go as a psycho killer and get more..."
Hobbes noticed that a few of the monsters were staring at them.
"Um.. Calvin?"
Calvin stuck a stick in the top of his shirt and continued to talk.
"... dump it all someplace safe and if we have enough time, get some mud and go as mud men and..."
Hobbes moved in front of Calvin and took his face in his hands.
"CALVIN!"
Calvin blinked and pulled his head back.
"Hobbes... what do you want?"
Hobbes turned Calvin's head to the side and pointed.
"Do they look real to you?"
Calvin looked over Hobbes's shoulder and nodded.
"Yes, they must have taken a month to do theirs and..."
He paused and his eyes went wide as one of the small demon-costumed kids grabbed a kitten and bit it in two.
"Did he just..."
Hobbes nodded.
"He just did..."
They looked at each other and nodded.
"MOMMY!"
Willow had been looking for Xander for almost 10 minutes when she head his voice.
"MOMMY!"
Willow ran around the corner and saw Xander standing in the middle of the street holding a stuffed tiger in his arms... as three monster-kids stalked toward him.
"Xander!"
Xander/Calvin had picked up some rocks and was throwing them at the monsters.
"Don't hurt them, they're just kids! Xander..."
She reached for Xander, but passed though him, and as she did, the stuffed tiger shimmered and grew into a tall, realistic-looking tiger standing on his hind legs. Willow's eyes widened and her mind screamed with fright.
"Xander?!"
Calvin, who had missed her passing through him, looked at the red-haired girl and frowned.
"My name's not Xander! Leave me alone! Girls have cooties!"
The tiger smiled and winked at Willow and leaned in close.
"Hey there cutie, I'm Hobbes, what's your name?"
Willow backed away a step in fear and shivered.
*What the hell just... wait... Hobbes? No way!*
"Calvin?"
Calvin looked at the girl and nodded.
"Yeah, what do you want?"
Willow shook her head.
"We have to get out of here..."
She could see a few vampires had joined the mini-demons and they were coming toward them.
"It's not safe... come on. We have to get back to Buffy's..."
Just then they heard a scream. Willow's eyes widened and she went pale.
"Buffy!"
She ran off in the direction of the scream then looked back and glared at Calvin and Hobbes.
"Move it you two or I get Rosalyn!"
Calvin and Hobbes looked at each other, paled and then ran after the girl. When they caught up with her she was trying to calm down a blond girl in a frilly dress.
"What's her problem?"
Calvin sneered at the blond girl as she cowered next to a tree then winced when she rushed over and clung to him.
"Oh brave sir, protect me from the demons and the harlot."
Calvin made a face at her and tried to push her off, but she had a grip like iron on his arm. Seeing no way out of it, Calvin rolled his eyes and dragged her along after Willow. Hobbes walked alongside Calvin and giggled.
"Can it fuzz face."
Buffy looked up at Calvin and then at the empty space next to him and shrugged, seeing nothing there.
*Perhaps he speaks to the lord or to angels, for surely one so brave would do so.*
She looked into Calvin's eyes and smiled... then frowned when the harlot interrupted her thoughts.
"We're here, get her inside, Calvin."
Calvin nodded and dragged the blond up the steps, then let her go once they got inside. He turned to Hobbes and saw him staring at the blond's butt.
"Eww, that's gross Hobbes."
Calvin frowned then smirked.
"Besides, I thought you only liked redheads?"
Hobbes grinned.
"I like ALL girls, Calvin."
Calvin shook his head and sat down.
"Man, this is the craziest dream. I wish I could do more to make this more fun. Maybe I should activate my altar identity?"
Hobbes nodded smiling.
"Sounds good to me."
Calvin grinned.
"Captain Napalm or Spaceman Spiff?"
Hobbes scratched his fuzzy chin for a moment then smiled.
"Both?"
They grinned and looked at each other and laughed.
"Captain Spiff!"
Buffy looked at the young man who was talking to a stuffed tiger and shivered in fear.
*Perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps he has lost him mind after all.*
There was a scream outside as Cordelia ran toward Buffy's house.
Calvin looked out the window and felt this sudden urge to protect her. He jumped to his feet and opened the door and yelled in rage.
"Leave her alone or my tiger will eat you! Won't you Hobbes?!"
Hobbes nodded.
"Yeah, I'll eat you... with a nice mint sauce and some tuna on the side!"
Calvin looked at Hobbes as Cordelia ran past him and frowned.
"Mint sauce?"
Hobbes shrugged.
"First thing that came to mind."
Calvin shook his head just as something or someone strong grabbed him and dragged him inside. The door slammed shut and Calvin spun around to see a glowing guy dressed in black.
"Who are you?"
Angel looked at Xander and frowned.
"Cut the crap, Xander. What's going on? Where's Buffy?"
Calvin sneered.
"Don't know this Xander guy. My name's Calvin and this is Hobbes. As for Buffy, if she's the snooty blond then she ran upstairs."
Angel nodded and moved to the stairwell.
"Stay here."
Calvin snorted and as soon as Angel was gone, he turned to Hobbes and shook his head.
"This is boring, let's get out of here and go home. Maybe we can get home before the movie's over."
Hobbes nodded. The blond was annoying and the redhead seemed to be a ghost.
"Works for me. I want to get some tuna too, I'm starved."
Calvin nodded and headed out the back door...
The next day...
The Scoobies gathered together in the library to discuss the previous night's events. Everyone was there except for Xander who walked in suddenly from out of nowhere... the stuffed tiger, Hobbes, still in his arms.
"Xander?"
Xander walked over to the table and nodded, placing Hobbes in the chair next to his.
"Hey guys, what's the what?"
Willow glared at Xander.
"Where have you been? We've been worried sick."
Xander shrugged.
"Calvin wanted to go home and Hobbes wanted tuna. I woke up in the canned meat aisle of the Shop and Save with eight empty cans of tuna next to me."
Giles nodded and cleaned his glasses.
"Well, I'm glad you're safe. Now... what do you all remember of last night?"
As the others explained their memories, Xander turned to the seat next to him and whispered to Hobbes.
"Should I tell them?"
Hobbes shook his head.
"Naw, don't think so. I mean, Calvin's parents never believed him so I doubt they'd believe you."
Xander thought about it for a moment then nodded.
"Good point."
Someone cleared his or her throat and Xander turned to see everyone staring at him. He grinned and leaned back.
"So, what now?"
Giles nodded to himself and shook his head.
"We need to see if the spell affected the Hellmouth any. We will gather weapons and check."
They nodded and as everyone gathered things and headed out of the library, Xander picked up Hobbes and with a grin yelled...
"Hellmouth Ho!"
Story downloaded from
http://www.grandt.com/XanderZone/stories/read.php?story=HellmouthHo.html